A Time To Say Goodbye

[Zenyatta25]

How does one say goodbye to people you've played with for 16 months? It's really not easy... in fact it's made me physically sick for days. After days of not sleeping well, not eating, talking very intensely with Nick about all this and a conversation with Scragg that really had me thinking, I've decided to go ahead and take up an opportunity with another guild that was offered to me. In a social aspect, I love the people here. You guys are like my family and that weird neighbor that lives next door (that's Morg). But for some time lately (like the past 2 months), I've had this overwhelming desire for more out of a raid and it's more than this guild is designed for. I never brought it up because I didn't see the need to do so. First off, the officers can't change everything for one person. Secondly, I wasn't sure if it was a feeling that was going to pass or get stronger. There was no reason to bring it up when I didn't even know where I stood. Talking about something that you're not certain how you feel makes for a rather pointless discussion and a waste of time. It'll also put ideas into people's heads that may or may not manifest themselves.

At first I had this desire to start my own guild again and that idea stayed with me for a month and a half. I had spreadsheets galore and ideas written out about what I'm looking for. But I realized that idea would be a flop because who wants to follow someone when there's only one or two people involved? It's not very promising. But after I kept reading what I had written regarding what I wanted, I realized I had changed and what I'm looking for has really changed and it's not something that can be fixed here. This is a guild that is about enjoying each other's company while clearing content and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. I've been in guilds like this since I began playing. But it's not where I feel I am right now. We all change... what we want and where we want to go will often change over time. It's that way at work, at home, school and within ourselves. There comes a time you want more and times you want to cut back. You can't expect the environment to change because you did so you have to change the environment.

How this all came about was I've been having this nagging thought in my head for some time and I kept shoving it away. I started talking to a friend of mine and he suggested applying just to see if I'd get in and to take in any critisism I'd receive. I don't have a lot of BIS gear and some of his guild's alts are better geared than I am. I decided to try it even when I stood zero chance. I wanted to see if what I was feeling ever had a possibility of making it happen because I didn't think it did. Shortly after, I got a message saying they wanted me to join the crew and I was floored. I was expecting to be ripped apart not getting in invite. I hadn't expected it and nor did I expect to pack up my things despite wanting to go to the alliance again. So why did it take all this time to say anything? I wasn't certain what I wanted to do and it was driving me nuts. In all the ranting, Nick said something that made me think. He said, "Say you got an amazing job of your dreams and it was really what you wanted. It's a good opportunity but the job happens to be in Los Angeles. You have to leave behind your friends and family. What do you choose?" I spent a lot of time thinking about it and I realized I'd go for the job and visit often. I've let too many opportunities pass me by where I've regretted it and wished I had taken them up. I don't want this to add to the pile.

But the biggest factor for why it took so long to say anything, I have great respect for the people here. I don't want to hurt anyone as I think of everyone as a friend or family but I feel like I was giving up what I wanted to not make any waves. But then I thought about it, these people are my friends and if they are truly my friends, they'll understand and support it even if they don't agree with it. If this fails, I don't expect a reinvite like Fu got. I'll go out and find a new home which will more or less result with the ending of my wow career. I know it's coming to an end anyway with Logan getting bigger and he'll start to be awake more than he his now and I don't want to see him go off to school and I look back saying, "God I wish I didn't play WoW so much." Now it's great because USUALLY he's asleep in time for the raid but as he gets a little older I see that changing and it might become a problem. I want to make this one last hurrah before I hang up the axe. I hope you understand. Thank you for giving me an opportunity to play this class and to finally find a class I love above all else. I've spent 4 years trying to find that and it feels good to be comfortable. I'm going to miss you all a lot. I hope I'm welcome back to chat and I'm leaving my hunter behind so I can still talk to everyone. If that's not ok, I understand.

Love always,
Baloney

[Morghane]

You already know that I <3 you, girly! Good luck out there... you'll kick ass.

[Kilbourne]

Just wow... You do make valid points about why you think you want to leave, but the feelings you are fighting are loyalty and commitment.

Personally I dont understand what one could/would achieve by going to another guild, we already farm content way too much before the new content is released (with the exception of Anub thus far). I know alot of this goes along with the attitude you have about going to PTRs. But seriously, you actually like grinding on shit that isnt even live? Only to be clear of content before it ever even becomes live.

You say this is your last hurrah, but really what do you think is going to happen when you do go. You may raid, and you very well may clear all the content as soon as it arrives...good job. Now what do you do when you are on farm content by the time its released... Would seem to me a move like this is just a quick way to gear out.

I personally have had offers from several guilds if you want to be honest about it, as has Galv. Speculatively speaking potentially all of our raiders have what it takes to get into a "hardcore" guild. Being accepted is nothing to be proud about, doing what we do while being relaxed like we are is.

I know this isn't an easy decision for anyone, and people do have to move on as you say, but I guess I just put too much stock in loyalty amongst my fellow guild-mates.

Bare in mind the attendance, and ask yourself how many raids you will get in when you decide to not raid for a few days like we do here...

Having said all that, I wish you get everything out of this game you are after, and im sure Nick will keep your spot warm.

[Gwenevieve]

Snow you will always have a special place in my heart as my "mage twin". I understand where you are coming from and needing to experience something new. I know I have felt that way in the past. And even though I have a feeling you will come back, I wish you all success.

We all have to make decisions on our happiness. Some of them are good decisions and some of them leave you thinking "WTF was I was thinking!". But that's the awesome thing about this guild. We are a family (of course as always stated: a very dysfunctional, highly volatile family). But in the end that's what we are. People fuck up, some more than others. It's just a matter of forgiving people and moving on.

Growing as a person sometimes takes a leap of faith, and I hope this is a good one for you. RL > WoW. We will always (okay, maybe not always) be here.

[Zenyatta25]

Well considering I was essentially lied to... I'm coming back to Lothar in 48 hours. If my raid spot is still here, awesome. If it's not, I understand that and I accept it because I chose to go. It wasn't a choice to get geared out faster. If you look at how often I get loot, you'll realize I don't give two shits about it. I was told I wasn't going to see anything for at least a month and then I had to start fighting for DKP. Gear is nice and that's about it. I was hoping for more competition, less slack and more accountability. Instead I got fed a bunch of bull shit very little of what was true. On paper, it sounds great... you make that choice, you then realize you got fucked over and it leaves you feeling like a piece of shit. You're right Gwen, you can't help but say, "WTF did I do that for?" and I realized it about 45 minutes after logging in on Bloodhoof.

[Gryta]

YEA! Snow is back!